Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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