If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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