I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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