chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
