just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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