My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
