I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
