The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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