Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
