just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
