I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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