He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
