i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
