i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
