i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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