U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's official drugs can't kill me
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
