her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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