You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
