Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
