dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
