she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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