im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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