i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
