we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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