Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
