My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
