I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
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