he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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