when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
its not stalking. its research.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
