Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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