Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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