I need help removing her.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
