If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
