When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
