I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
