Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
How external is "for external use only"?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
