I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
