I just saw a hot homeless man
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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