I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
