he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
