I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
