Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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