I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
