my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
