Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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