How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
