I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
