i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
