As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
