Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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