Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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