oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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