I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
