i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
