I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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