So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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