I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
